Bafta Television Awards 2009

By Stuart Bak, guest blogger and MSN TV columnist

Once again, the cream of the British television industry (and host Graham Norton) are gathering for the annual telly Baftas at London’s Royal Festival Hall. Taking a well-earned break from blitzing zombies in Resident Evil 5, I, Stuart Bak, will be your guide to all of this evening’s winners, losers, and wardrobe malfunctions. Will BBC Four drama Hancock and Joan do the hat-trick? Can June Brown scoop best actress gong for the brilliant kitchen sink drama of her Enders one-hander? And will The Apprentice right the ludicrous wrong of being beaten by Top Gear in 2008’s National Television Awards? Join me here live at 8pm to find out…

And we’re off… Hang on… Harry Enfield has been nominated for a Bafta? Is this the Bafta Television Awards 2009, or the Bafta Television Awards 1986?

Graham Norton cracks a few jokes. A single tumbleweed bounces past June Brown’s feet. He’s nothing if not reliable. Reliably unfunny, that is.

2008’s best bits. What, no ‘Lily Allen and Friends’?

Philip Glenister: presumably not nominated for his role in ITV’s Demons, here to present the award for best drama series. The smart money’s on Wallander.

And the winner is… Wallander. Well-deserved, I reckon – the best and bleakest Scandinavian cop drama starring Kenneth Branagh that I’ve ever seen. Probably.

Adrian Chiles: quite literally never off the telly. And the Bafta for best factual series goes to Amazon with Bruce Parry. Real-life action man Ross Kemp was robbed. I wish someone would stick Phil Mitchell in a war zone with nothing but a flak jacket and tin helmet for protection.

TV Burp gets the biggest laugh of the night so far, but is pipped to the best entertainment programme gong by the ever-worsening X Factor, a show now comprised entirely of sob stories, with about 12 seconds of ‘music’ thrown in for good measure. I can’t even remember who won it last year. Answers on a postcard please.

A TV genre so far from my heart it may as well not exist: sport. Even Gary Lineker looks bored. And the winner is… ITV’s F1 Brazilian Grand Prix coverage. Yawn.

I’ve just noticed Graham Norton’s jacket. Insane.

Best continuing drama (i.e. soap). What, no Coronation Street? Is there some sort of conspiracy going on here?

Best continuing drama: The Bill. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Have the telly Baftas finally jumped the shark? Leave your comments below…

News coverage award now. I don’t watch the news anymore. Far too depressing. Blah blah, we’re all going to be trading with magic beans this time next year, blah blah blah.

It goes to News At Ten for their coverage of the Chinese earthquake. World’s most tedious man makes world’s most tedious speech.

"The nation’s favourite music presenter?" Jools Holland? Speak for yourself, Norton. Jools is presenting best entertainment performance.

The nation’s second favourite TV commentator, Harry Hill, scoops the award for best entertainment performance. And his speech gets the second biggest laugh of the night. By rights he should be presenting this whole show.

A surprise win for White Girl in the best single drama category. My money was on Hancock and Joan. Another tenner down the drain then. I though he said he was going to keep his speech short.

The state of British comedy today. Genuinely appalling. Oh for pity’s sake: Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse have actually won. Next they’ll be telling us they’re giving the Academy Fellowship to Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders…

Jon Snow gets through his introduction to the specialist factual series showreel without fluffing a single line. Or wearing a silly tie. Will wonders never cease? A token win for David Attenborough’s Life In Cold Blood. Proof, if proof were needed, that we’ll never tire of watching footage of turtles having sex.

The post-9pm slump, and the catchily named ‘features’ category is won by The Choir: Boys Don’t Sing. The award is collected by a chap who looks like he wants to be David Tennant when he grows up.

Potty humour from ‘rising comedian’ Michael McIntyre ("Hands up if you want to pee"). Not funny, not funny at all.

Best situation comedy: The IT Crowd. Somebody’s having a laugh. But not, presumably, anyone who’s ever actually watched it.

Last year’s best actor winner, Andrew Garfield, to present the drama serial award. Expect to see him back next year to pick up a gong for Channel 4’s Red Riding trilogy: officially the best thing on telly so far in 2009. FACT. And the Bafta goes to BBC1’s Criminal Justice which was, admittedly, pretty good, though less fun than Charlie Brooker’s Big Brother zombie-fest Dead Set.

That jacket gets more ludicrous the longer I look at it.

A very long advert for BBC drama. Clever.

The Bafta for best single documentary goes to The Chosen. To my eternal shame, I didn’t see any of the four nominated programmes. Probably too busy watching Big Brother. I’m so low-brow I make Peter Andre look like Harold Pinter.

The Philips Audience Award now, the only award voted for entirely by the Great British Public. Go on, vote Wallander and do yourselves proud.

Nope, the winner is terrible teen sex-fest Skins. Presumably the only people voting were 12-year-olds who think Hollyoaks is a quality drama or grown men who’ve memorised the Pete Townsend defence…

The award for best comedy performance goes to the ubiquitous David Mitchell for Peep Show. He might at least have cracked a joke or two during his speech.

Jimmy Nesbitt takes the stage to present the Bafta for best actress. And completely misses the irony, presumably. This one surely goes to the wonderful Maxine Peake for Hancock and Joan…

Wrong again, it’s Anna Maxwell Martin for Poppy Shakespeare. The bookies must be rubbing their hands together with glee right about now.

And the Bafta for best actor goes to… Stephen Dillane for Channel 4’s The Shooting of Thomas Hurndall. Ken Stott looks suitably unimpressed. So, that’s it: not a single Bafta for BBC Four’s Hancock and Joan. An absolute travesty, in my humble opinion.

Final award of the night (phew) is the highest of all Bafta accolades: the Fellowship award. It goes to "the greatest female comedy double act in the history of British television": Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. Doesn’t say much for British female comedy double acts, does it?

French and Saunders. "Trailblazers"? Really, Dame Helen? "A legacy of brilliant work." What, even The Vicar of Dibley?

A standing ovation for French and Saunders (oh well, each to their own). Montage of awards the BBC couldn’t be bothered to show includes Mad Men winning best international show over The Wire. I give up. All that remains is for me to thanks my editors, producers, readers, parents, and next-door-neighbour’s dog. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again. Did you agree with the Bafta  judges’ decisions? Or, like me, do you think Hancock and Joan was robbed. Leave your comments below. Until next year…

By Stuart Bak, guest blogger and MSN TV columnist

Winners In Full:

Best actor – Stephen Dillane – The Shooting of Thomas Hurndall (Channel 4)
Best actress – Anna Maxwell Martin – Poppy Shakespeare (Channel 4)
Best entertainment performance – Harry Hill – Harry Hill’s TV Burp (ITV1)
Best comedy performance – David Mitchell – Peep Show (Channel 4)
Best single drama – White Girl (BBC Two)
Best drama serial – Criminal Justice (BBC One)
Best drama series – Wallander (BBC One)
Best continuing drama – The Bill (ITV1)
Best factual series – Amazon with Bruce Parry (BBC Two)
Best entertainment programme – The X Factor (ITV1)
Best situation comedy – The IT Crowd (Channel 4)
Best comedy programme – Harry and Paul (BBC One)
Best single documentary – Chosen (Channel 4)
Best feature – The Choir: Boys Don’t Sing (BBC Two)
Best international show – Mad Men (BBC Four)
Best specialist factual – Life in Cold Blood (BBC One)
Best current affairs – Saving Africa’s Witch Children – Dispatches (Channel 4)
Best news coverage – News at Ten – Chinese Earthquake (ITV1)
Best sport – ITV1 F1: Brazilian Grand Prix (ITV1)
Best interactivity – Embarrassing Bodies Online (Channel 4)
Audience award – Skins
Special Award – Jane Tranter
Bafta Fellowship – French and Saunders

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41 Responses to Bafta Television Awards 2009

  1. Adam says:

    did you actually "like" anything about this years BAFTAs? so negative……….

  2. ste says:

    this is the worst coverage i have ever read what a waste of five mins of my time ill now have to google to see what actually happened at the baftas awful awful coverage why did you bother…….

  3. Andrew says:

    Who is the woman who wrote this blog? Never read anything so cynical or miserable sounding. Next year get someone who actually likes Telly and who isn\’t in need of Prozac to do it.

  4. Kirsty says:

    loved it….keep up with the good work :Dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  5. Peter says:

    great to see skins get a bafta great show it won as it was down to public don\’t think bafta would of given it one also great to see the bill get some recognition it deserves great show

  6. cliff says:

    Sorry Stuart Who,theres name easily forgotton.your not funny or clever amn if you got paid for this then give it back and go back to whatever it is you do.

  7. Chris says:

    Graham Norton is so unfunny as to be unwatchable.

  8. moyse962 says:

    i agree with the x-factor comment. just been 2 auditions and can\’t believe how staged it is. producers are only looking 4 a sob story. must disagree about french and saunders, they are great!!!!!

  9. marc says:

    Got what a great \’tv editor\’ So there was nothing at all you liked about it?I regret taking the time to read that review, your style of writing has ruined my mood!

  10. Astral says:

    I can\’t believe your attitude, you sound like a critic, not a reporter. The media is supposed to be un-biased but it should be natural to aknowledge great people when it is so obvious that they are great. Your in the wrong job, but I dont think there is a job that requires unwarented verbal abuse.

  11. Charlotte Lucy Rose says:

    Ha, actually loved most of your cynicism – I too was wondering what things had come to, The Bill, X Factor, many undeserving others….but then you slag off French and Saunders!!?? No, no, noooo, they are bloody brilliant, as women, role models, hilariously weird, wonderful, original, alternative, puerile and downright amazing comediennes and for the way they have always come across as people. They are SO amazingly successful, and it\’s easy to see why – no comedy now comes close, they\’re the best of the best! Anyway, just had to comment when I read the snipe, after all I am one hugely huge F&S fan. Congratulations to them, long may they reign!! POOSTRIPE!!

  12. malachai says:

    Amazon is a well deserved winner burce parry is class, Anything with david attenbourgh involved is worth watching, Harry enfield i mean come on he done kevin and perry haha and if you haven\’t laughed at that film then your just a weirdo even politicians would find that film funny, I think skins gets criticised too much, Its only grannies that moan about it because they don\’t understand half the sh*t that happens in the real world for teenages these days its just abit of fun at the end of the day im from manchester not every1 lives like fcukin shameless! peep show is just not funny…its for middle age single men who are stuck on repeat and find it funny because it relates so much to there boring ass life.How can you slag off french and saunders, There what britain is all about and thats what makes them funny, Are you a fcukin foreigner why you not supporting your own country!Graham nortons not funny when hes censored, If you\’ve ever seen his show then you get the real norton he\’s such a biatch haha its funny.Agree with the x factor comments, Its so staged and ridiculously overhyped and the same setup every year it never changes part from the acts, There is alot of talent out there, If they know who is going to the finals before the auditions, sign them record deals,work with them later and give the other contestants a chance to shine. peace.

  13. Charles says:

    I cannot believe that this is your job and that you are getting paid for this!!! You do not know what you are talking about in the slightest. I found your live coverage blog to be amazingly pathetic and honestly think that you should get another job. Obviously im not the only one thinking this as if you read most of the other comments then you will understand the full extent of how completely and utterly terrible you are in this job due to such a negative response to your statements and critiques. What more can i say other than i felt like time had been drained from my existence by reading your rubbish!! Do you know nothing of british television or humour!!!! I shall waste no more time from my life by commenting further than the fact that i thought you were terrible/ no, in fact you are awful!!!!

  14. stewart says:

    you\’re a bit of a sour old trout aren\’t you?

  15. christina says:

    I can\’t even be bothered to watch these charades anymore but it sounds like the same old tripe again. At least the dull and dreary Eastenders didn\’t win anything! Well done Harry Hill, David Mitchell, Wallander and Harry & Paul but that\’s about it. Bruce Parry? revolting little man. Liked the blog by the way…..very funny. People can\’t take a joke anymore can they?

  16. Jeffery says:

    An interesting selection of tripe. Thankfully I never watch \’patyourselfonthebackyoupatheticlittlearseholes\’ shows and after reading your blow by blow summary I can understand why. Who the hell watches this tripe and, more importantly, who the hell watches the drivelling programmes that win these self-congratulatory awards?

  17. Violet says:

    I am so glad that over-hyped bully and un-funny Wossie got nothing, and his dim idiotic sidekick Brand. A pair of the most disgusting bullies I have ever had the misfortune to see, and Manuel, so funny too.

  18. Grenville says:

    what a load of sycophantic crap. all get together, pat each other on the back, put another million in my bank account. They are actors- entertainers thats all. Its about time these awards were dropped. (PS bet wossie gets a knighthhood for services rendered)

  19. Gordon says:

    who the hell is Jane Tranter and come to that who the heck are YOU !! and who cares what YOU think are you an expert ? or just a overpaid hack

  20. Gordon says:

    Whilst I regard the BAFTA award ceremony as general mediocrity which is mainly on our screens to fill in the time with cheap TV, I am even less impressed with your live blog. Surely as a blogger/ reporter it is your role to inform the reader with insight and clarification, coloured by your own experience. Instead of that, this seems to be an overly cynical and often personal attack on the creative efforts of others. As a TV "columnist" I expect you to have an understanding of the politics behind certain awards or presenters, I also expect you to surmise an explanation for the "muted ceremony" which took place, and perhaps to forecast the waxing and waning stars as they step up to the microphone. Perhaps Skins is terrible from your viewpoint, but it obviously understands and appeals to its audience. You declare that the most tedious speech is given by the most tedious man yet you don\’t elaborate on why this is so. Overall I though this article was so uninformative that it has made me read three more of your other reviews on MSN, such as the one of The Apprentice. Written in the same tone of sniping and personal attack, it is clear (to me at least) that your reviews are worth avoiding in the future. Whilst all the BAFTA nominees or winners may not be as good as others in previous years, they have at least stepped forward and made something of their own. Your playground bitchiness would be better used critiquing your own output, then hopefully changing it to something more challenging, more informative or simply more interesting. If you need any help with your writing style, my seven year old daughter should be able to offer you some major improvements.

  21. Joe says:

    Brilliant write up, made me laugh anyway. Don\’t know what these other people have stuck up there arse.

  22. Coops - says:

    Andrew Burke said: "Who is the woman who wrote this blog? Never read anything so cynical or miserable sounding. Next year get someone who actually likes Telly and who isn\’t in need of Prozac to do it."I don\’t mind being slated – just as long as I\’m the one doing the writing. Maybe Stuart Bak didn\’t credit himself clearly enough. 🙂 A really strange affair last night; I can\’t remember the last time I saw such a lifeless audience (and Stu, it can\’t all be down to Graham Norton\’s jokes – a couple of them were good. The Richard and Judy one was funny). Maybe they were as peed off as I was that The Wire lost out to Mad Men. The one chance for the UK\’s premier TV ceremony to stick it to the Americans for not appreciating one of their own and Bafta blew it… but The Bill won best Continuing Drama. What a joke.

  23. neil says:

    stu u should host the baftas cause this blog was more funny than the progarm

  24. Z says:

    Stuart Bak, you are a legend.

  25. Blues Indigo says:

    I am no longer an Eastenders fan, and Ros Kemp wasn\’t the only one to be robbed of an award (Our serving forces should be honoured also, they\’re acting are in the \’theatre of war\’)) but my admiration for June Brown, (also robbed) is immense, she is 82 and not only does she look good, but her acting is star quality. Are the bafta\’s going to wait around until she\’s dead to make this award posthumously, just out of embarassment for overlooking real talent. David Attenborough\’s award was well deserved, he has kept us in touch with nature in the most amusing way, although, some of it I don\’t wish to know about (A modern day Darwin). as for French and Saunders, can\’t stand Saunders, just two rich girls messing around in front of a camera and Dawn is forever just Dawn, they were just lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time, Jane Tranter??? a farewell tip from the writers? The Bill, with relief, I thought had been pensioned off, was this their (thank God that\’s over) farewell reward? The dress sense of those who appeared on stage, was so embarassingly awful, that it went beyond belief, whatever happened to the star-studded glamour? The best line of the evening from Graham Norton, brought a sigh of relief from all and sundry, \’Bring on the Chardonnay\’.

  26. Beverley says:

    I love Mad Men but The Wire should have won, BAFTA ballsed it up!

  27. Lou says:

    The Wire is brilliant, I think so but the BBC just got it and only showed 1 series so far(2 late at night 4 some people)maybe thats why it did\’nt get any thing. The Wire show\’s you real life, don\’t watch much T.V but this I really loved , once I got into it. I have all the series now on D.v.D , watched them and will again thats how good it is ,I think.

  28. Louise says:

    I don\’t agree with some of the remarks this woman makes at all. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but i completely disagree with the comments about the IT crowd! I adore that show!

  29. Coops - says:

    Louise, it quite clearly states – three times no less! – that the Bafta blog has been written by MSN\’s TV columnist Stuart Bak. I\’m quite happy to ruffle your feathers, but I\’d rather do it with something I\’ve written.Having said that, I agree with Stu about The IT Crowd. 🙂

  30. Tina says:

    Not many people can take a joke these days it seems! I loved this blog – ALL of those programmes up there are utter drivel. Though I\’ll give Sir Attenborough resect because it is due to him. And oh my, it seems I\’ve aged 50 years overnight because I too hate skins…

  31. beth says:

    Poor poor Graham Norton, all those stuffed shirts in the audience. Well I think he is funny I tittered all evening, his tongue is firmly in his cheek and wit too quick for the pofaceduptheirownarsestalentlessdullards that were sat staring at him. Thumbs up for Bruce Parry.

  32. DAVID says:

    If these are the best progs we are given to watch ,god knows what the worst progs are like, tv is the worst I have ever known it .david / sheffield

  33. Lana says:

    Well I agree with the blog. This years BAFTA\’S didn\’t do it for me. Nothing that I like won, and it said on the internet that Doctor Who, Torchwood, and the Sarah Jane Adventures were up for 12 nominations in total. Doctor Who for 9, Torchwood for 2, and Sarah Jane for 1. I honestly thought the winners would be better. I\’m not saying the winners weren\’t worthy because they were, but better people could have won. And it didn\’t even mention the three shows once! For any nominations whatsoever! I\’m sad over it, but well done to the people who did win.

  34. Sophie says:

    I have to say it was one of the worst brit awards I ve EVER seen. Graham Norton was ocassionly funny but the rest was BORING.I mean Skins winning over The X factor? Maybe Im wrong………………………………………………….

  35. Becky says:

    im sorry i just had to comment on this \’blog\’. fair enough most of what you said was true, although you seem to have some kind of obsession with that hancock programme. i was very disappointed to see the normally hysterical michael mcintyre being so un-funny. it was actually embarrassing. graham norton is kind of funny, although i think stephen fry would have been a much better, funnier host. skins should never be allowed an award, it is the biggest load of rubbish ive ever seen, just a load of pretty people getting drunk/high and shagging each other. its like hollyoaks with swearing. but as for your drivel about French and Saunders im afraid i must protest. 1. the vicar of dibley is the best sitcom ever created and that is not up for discussion. fact. 2. F&S ARE the greatest female comedy double act of all time. they are huge role models for so many young girls, incuding myself, and no one can even come close to acheiving what they have over the last 30 years. i can think of no one else who deserved that award more than they did, and the fact that the last comedy double act to win the award was the legendary morecambe and wise i think that just shows how important it was. so im sorry but you cannot slate French and Saunders for winning something that they\’ve been due for a very long time. and there speech was the funniest moment of the night. you should learn to be less biased. just because you didnt agree with the winners doesnt make it wrong.

  36. Danielle says:

    i think yo seriously shouldnt write such bad stuff. hollyoaks, the bill. the it crowd and skins are some of the best tv programmes.i suppose though you would like some rubbish like the x factor to win. which btw is a load of rubbish

  37. Jessica says:

    dude seriously you have a terrible taste in television. first of all, if you would have actually watched skins maybe you would see what an amazing show it is, it\’s not just about teens drinking excesive amounts of alcohol and sleeping around, it has some seriousness to it too, the actors are brilliant and it\’s an all round good drama. Secondly, how the hell can you critisise French and Saunders? they\’ve got further than you probably ever will. They are quite possibly one of the best comedy double acts of all time. And thirdly, you must have a crap sense of humor because Michael McIntyre is one of the funniest comidians around and i\’m sure quite a few people will agree with me, and yes, i did need a pee because he was making me laugh so much.

  38. molly says:

    Haha, your pretty hilarious (y)Even if I do disagree with just about everything you siad.Sounds like a cracking night out for you

  39. Leigh says:

    I don\’t how you have this job. You have a broadmind, a terrible sense of humour & clearly no sense of good television.Sack the writer!

  40. » dave says:

    Got to tell you virtually everything which won an award, I don\’t watch or haven\’t seen the repeat yetThe IT crowd and Dispatches is about it, I am begining to wonder if being involved with the media distorts what you really think is going on out here?

  41. Jon says:

    Stuart Bak you are a moaning fool

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