Apprentice Star’s Interview No-show – Part 2

Ladies and gents, lightning has struck twice. Kevin Shaw, the Apprentice’s only merchant banker in the village, escaped my clutches as detailed here. I’m still cursing my rotten luck; I’d been desperate to get my hands on him (figuratively speaking, of course). Unfortunately, and this is unprecedented as far as my experience of The Apprentice goes, it’s happened again.

Michael ‘Teflon’ Sophocles is not doing any interviews. Rumour has it that he’s sold his story, exclusively, to one of the tabloids. And what a great way of avoiding awkward, sticky questions too…or is it? Y’see, I thought I’d have a little fun imagining how Teflon might’ve responded had I been able to interview him.

Fake Apprentice Interview  

Me: Kosher. Any nearer to knowing what it means now?

Teflon: Yes. According to Del Boy, it’s unlaundered money.

Me: No. That’s not it.

Teflon: I’m such a dum-dum! It’s not Del Boy. It’s Arthur Daley.

Me: Outside of classic 80s TV shows; are you any nearer to knowing what Kosher means?

Teflon: Isn’t it a line in that Diddy song Come To Me?

Me: Nah. That’s ‘come closer’ not ‘come Kosher’.

Teflon: Is it the where the phrase ‘under the cosh’ comes from? So it means that you’re even more under the thumb?

Me: In a word, no.

Teflon: Oh. Is it a popular name? A Christian name, perhaps?

Me: Good one Teflon! The irony…

Teflon: What? I don’t get it. 

Me: On the whole, you were pretty useless really. You can’t inspire, you can’t lead, you can’t sell, you can’t manage….Can you do anything at all? Can you breathe unaided, for example?

Teflon: Next to selling, breathing’s what I was born to do. I am a fantastic breather. There is no one better at breathing than me. I inhale just the right amount of air needed to fill my lungs and I’m very, very, very considerate with regard to the amount of carbon dioxide I exhale and the people that don’t are just dum-dums.

Me: Teflon – we’re gonna miss your stupidity…
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See our Apprentice special for more on this show.

Our Big Brother 9 special has now launched. It’s got loads of fun features including Big Brother Mingers (spoilt for choice) and Big Brother Babes (ditto).
____________________________________________

Today I am mostly lovin’ – Watching clips of classic Sesame Street (none of this Elmo rubbish!). I am now convinced that I will never, ever grow out of my childhood.

Today I am mostly hatin’ – The weather’s too obvious, isn’t it? What da heck. It’s our national obsession…

MSN Editor Coops
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5 Responses to Apprentice Star’s Interview No-show – Part 2

  1. Coops - says:

    Hahahahahha! Why is there press interest in Michael? Raef is the man!!  

  2. famous says:

    hey there coops! so your never goin to grow up eh?accordin to my missus i never left the 1950s and 60s.all my fave progs are from that era (hancock, spike milligan, the goons , monty python oh how i do go on!) still i can usually see the funny side of most things  ,even hospital visits which are more frequent these days. so from 1 big kid to another,  keep the faith mate.

  3. Coops - says:

    Hey famouseccles, my Spurs-supporting mate. You never left the 1950s or 1960s eh? Typical Spurs fan.   I love watching TV from that era too. Oh who am I kidding? I love retro TV full stop. I\’ve been checking out The Prisoner and The Champions on ITV4. In addition to The Sweeney, Minder and The Professionals. Happy days….

  4. Mariaha says:

    Totally agree Raef was robbed!
    N if you did interview micheal he would have probably made a compleate mess out of it and then begged you saying "please give me another chance" and again in true Micheal style he would mess up again… you see where i\’m going with this?
    Is it just me or does Kevin remind you of Matt Lucas… yea but, nobut yea…

  5. Sam says:

    I love the interview! Sad thing is he probably sounds better there than he would\’ve in real life lol
    Actually no… theres two sad things, the other is that with regards to breathing I think you\’ve got it perfect, I can see him saying that word for word, fair play to the guy, he was a hell of an… unusual… person and he did drive me right up the wall, although he was also half-responsible for what I think is my TV moment of the year, Sir Alan telling him that if he didn\’t know if he was a Jewish boy or not then he could always pull down his trousers and check lol
    Now he\’s ending his reign of idiocracy with a cowardly attempt to dodge any more embarrassment. I sincerly hope he gets asked the meaning of "kosher" by at least one (different) person every day for the rest of his life since he\’s too scared to bother facing up to his stupidity in interviews. I can promise now that if I ever get to see the bloke I\’ll be diving in with awkward apprentice related questions, and I don\’t care if I\’m waiting a few years to do so, as long as it\’s before I forget the prat completely…
    Actually wait… that\’ll only be another few weeks… but hey, least if he\’s that forgettable none of us can ask the questions he doesn\’t want to hear! Instead it\’ll be "now where\’d I see him before? Oh yeah, he was the idiot who made a prat of himself on tv!" *goes to ask awkward questions anyway*

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