A standing ovation for Brucie, and all that remains for me to do now is thank my editors, producers, readers, parents and goldfish. Thank you, thank you, and thank you once more. Did you agree with the Bafta judges’ decisions? Or do you, like me, think Capaldi was robbed? Leave your comments below. Until next time…
Visit our own tribute to the great Bruce Forsyth here.
Oh wait – there are more. Hang on… a news coverage Bafta award for kneejerk breaking news enthusiasts and digital reconstruction obsessives Sky News? Whatever next? Jimmi Harkishin (Corrie’s Dev) given a gong for best soap actor? I despair, really I do.
Final award of the night (phew) is the highest of all Bafta accolades: the Fellowship Award. It goes to Bruce Forsyth, one of British television’s longest-serving entertainers and a man about whom it’s nearly impossible to say anything nasty. Paul Merton – a life-long Brucie fan – presents the award. Ah, here he comes. Nice to see him, to see him nice. Didn’t he do well?
At last: a Bafta for Cranford! Eileen Atkins beats bookies’ fave Dame Judi Dench to the best actress gong.
And the winner of the Bafta award for best actor is… Andrew Garfield for his portrayal of a child criminal released back into society in Channel 4’s Boy A. This kid has stage school written all over him. Still, one to watch, I reckon.
The big ones now: the Baftas for best actor and actress. Brace yourself…
Peep Show wins the Bafta for best sitcom. Benidorm misses out. If it hadn’t been for Harry Hill and his chips chippy chips, it could have been a dark night indeed for ITV.
A show designed to strip away the last vestiges of dignity from the nation’s chavs? A bunch of corporate monkeys vying for a job on an industrial estate in Essex? No, the Sky+ audience award goes not to Britain’s Got Talent or The Apprentice, but to Gavin & Stacey (or Gavin & Tracey as Paul Watson would have it). Come on, Corden, you can do better than that!
Heroes beats Family Guy to the international award. Stewie will not be impressed. I guess the Bafta judges have yet to see any of Heroes season two…
Jim Robinson! With a beard!
OK wrap it up now please, Watson. We don’t have all night.
Ah… John Hurt. Now there’s a real class act. Not sure what he’s come as though.
Blah blah factual series. Blah blah A Tale Of Two Cities. The post-9pm slump. Even Nick Hewer’s yawning. Has Cranford still not had an award yet? Zzzzz.
In my humble opinion, the Bafta for best comedy performance should have gone to Peter Capaldi for his hilarious portrayal of Malcolm Tucker in The Thick Of It. Instead it goes to James Corden, who was lucky not to unravel all the goodwill he’d garnered from Gavin & Stacey with his toe-curling stint presenting Big Brother’s Big Mouth in January. Sadly, an ‘hilarious’ acceptance speech from James was not forthcoming.
The Mark Of Cain snatches Bafta glory from right under the nose of Boy A in the best single drama category. Another in the bag for Channel 4, either way.
Chips chippy chips!
Best single documentary doesn’t, surprisingly, go to Malcolm and Barbara: Love’s Farewell, ITV’s controversial and moving portrayal of an Alzheimer victim’s final days. The winner instead is Channel 4’s Lie Of The Land. Turning into a good night for Channel 4.
Cranford robbed! Britz wins best drama serial! Shocker! Still can’t believe Murphy’s Law was even nominated for this. Director Peter Kosminsky seems genuinely surprised by the win. Bless.
Best features programme? Please don’t let it be ‘kitchen alchemist’ (i.e. bore) Heston Blumenthal. Or The Secret Millionaire – the world’s most benevolent and patronising TV show all rolled into one; middle-class guilt assuaged by lending a helping hand to the peasants for a couple of hours… Justice is served: the winner is swearword generator Gordon Ramsay for Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.
And the Bafta for continuing drama goes to… eh? Holby City? Surely there’s been some mistake? And where on earth is Coronation Street? Graham Norton’s about to tell us the whole thing was a wind-up and the real winner is Corrie. Oh, no he isn’t. What do you think? Was Corrie robbed? Leave your messages below…
Best current affairs award goes to China’s Stolen Children – A Dispatches Special. I never saw it, but I’m sure it’s a worthy winner. I did see the Panorama dog-fighting special and was struck at the time by how much better it could have been had it been narrated by Donal McIntyre. Or Tim Westwood.
Is Ross Kemp drunk?
Best entertainment performance. And the winner is… the UK’s number two TV commentator Harry Hill for his star turn in one of telly’s last remaining laugh-out-loud comedy programmes: TV Burp. Cracking acceptance speech. Chips chippy chips indeed.
World’s most boring man makes acceptance speech for ITV F1: Canadian Grand Prix Live. A nation nods off.
A TV genre so far from my heart it might as well not exist: sport. Deciding between these four nominees would, for me, be like choosing whether to burn, freeze, starve or be flayed to death. What, no nomination for November’s England v Croatia match?
Best comedy programme now and, lordy, what a dreadful line-up. Is this really the cream of British comedy? Fonejacker – a poor man’s Trigger Happy TV – takes the gong. Wonder if he’ll phone in his acceptance speech?
And the Bafta for best drama series goes to… The Street. No, not Coronation Street. I had my money on Life On Mars. Another tenner down the drain then.
2007’s best bits. What, no Deal Or No Deal?
Time for a few crappy jokes at the audience’s expense, courtesy of the ubiquitous Graham Norton. Oh well, at least it’s not Fearne Cotton. Or JK and Joel. No more close-ups of Justin Lee Collins, please.
The stars are lining up on the red carpet, and we’re off. Hang on… was that Jim Robinson?
It’s that time of year again when the cream of the British television industry (and Graham Norton) get together to give themselves a great big collective slap on the back. Yes, tonight is Baftas night and, as Coops has taken two weeks off to watch her Knight Rider and Remington Steele video box sets in their entirety I, Stuart Bak, will be your guide to all the winners, losers, fumbled acceptance speeches and wardrobe malfunctions of the night. Will period drama and bookies’ favourite Cranford sweep the board as expected? Or will it be pipped to best drama serial by Murphy’s Law? (No chance). Join me here live at 8.00pm to find out…