“Nobody Beats Ol’ J.R.!”

…except UKTV Gold. If you want a perfect example of a broadcaster disrespecting their viewers – just check out what UKTV Gold has done to Dallas fans. Reflecting on this as I prepared my tribute to the soap’s 30th anniversary made me a very unhappy bunny. The channel aired the iconic series from the first episode, giving it a daytime push and a red-eye slot for repeats and catch-ups. There were highly frustrating, unexpected pauses in the UKTV Gold run for the likes of The Bill and Doctor Who but, in the main, Dallas continued on its merry way. And then came season five.

J.R. wooed Sue Ellen and put the boot into Cliff Barnes, driving him to a suicide attempt. Cliff’s in a coma and he’s been there since the last episode aired on Friday October 12 2007. So where’s Dallas? The broadcaster hasn’t bothered to inform the loyal fans who tuned in daily when, or

if, subsequent season(s) will be shown. Understandably, viewers have been venting about the lack of communication on UKTV Gold’s Dallas message board. Pleas and requests for information have fallen on deaf ears and some users complaining about the absence of the soap report that their posts have been deleted: from Mikeblag: "all 3 of my posts have been removed, none of which were insulting or rude." From DALLAS FANtastic: "why have my posts been deleted? They were not rude. Very J.R. like." And you thought free speech was alive and well? Not the freedom to criticise UKTV Gold it seems.

Some of you may be wondering what all the fuss is about. For my money, until Pam’s dream, Dallas was the best-scripted, most highly-addictive slice of family dysfunction ever. Its gift to the world was J.R. Ewing, a phenomenal pantomime villain with stronger lines than Keef Richards: "Once you give up integrity the rest is a piece of cake" and "What’s a family for if it can’t take care of its losers?" are just two of many gems.

In the early years, all the characters were soooo right: tough patriarch Jock Ewing; firm but fair earthy Miss Ellie (WE ARE NOT WORTHY!); amoral, devious, bed-hopping J.R.(WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOT WORTHY!); handsome, goody-goody Bobby (WE ARE NOT WORTHY!); lip-quivering, sexually frustrated, southern-belle Swellin’ (WE ARE NOT WORTHY!), plastic porcelain Pammy; sly vixen Lucy; perennial loser Cliff (WE ARE NOT WORTHY!)…memories!

UKTV Gold allowed older fans to revisit Dallas, but it also introduced the fussin’, fightin’, feudin’ Ewings and Barneses to a new generation of fans. And now they’re all left high and dry. Shame on you UKTV Gold. It’s not much, but I’ll take any Dallas fix I can get – check out this brief taster of a fantastic show that still holds up after 30 years.


Today I am mostly lovin’ – The fact that I am now the proud owner of series 1-7 of Minder on DVD. Uncut. Take that, UK censors!

Today I am mostly hatin’ – OK. Why does that bloomin’ annoying woman have to go all the way to London to buy Heat magazine?

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5 Responses to “Nobody Beats Ol’ J.R.!”

  1. Bex says:

    She goes to london because in previous episodes of the advert, the shop keeper has accidentally sold her copy… So she goes to london cause she *has* to have it.

  2. Coops - says:

    And they don\’t have it where she\’s from? Pretty insulting to newsagents and retailers outside of London if ya ask me…..

  3. Nikki says:

    I did wonder why she went to London… It\’s become an ongoing joke with my friends to sing variations of that annoying jingle everytime we get on a train XD
    UK Censoring pees me off beyond anything -_- I just get my American friends to record whatever I want and then send it to me, much better and you get to watch the new series a good few months to a year before they are out here XD (the new House episodes are amazing!) Or if your American friends are stingy, there\’s always youtube 🙂
    And in response to your Easter post (I wasn\’t getting the internet then), I was pleasently surprised by The No.1 Ladie\’s Detective Agency thing, I thought it\’d be rubbish but watched it for lack of anything better to do and actually liked it =]

  4. Unknown says:

    What I\’m finding very infuriating, and I\’d welcome you investigating this Coops, are the ad breaks.  I was watching the Simpsons for one example and after the opening credits came on, 3 minutes later (and I checked) the ads came on !! I\’ve noticed this with a lot of American shows, is this normal? Some of the Uk programmes are doing it now even good old Corrie. You used to be able to set your clock by Corrie with an ad break after 15 mins, just time to nip to the loo, make a cup of tea. Whats going on?
    As for that woman going to London for her Heat Mag, its a wonder she gets there in one piece and she\’s got her poor kids singing it now, I hope she doesn\’t read it on the way home!!

  5. Richard says:

    I agree with the way the channels are treating the viewer these days, it\’s despicable. Have you noticed how the initial lunchtime showing of Neighbours on Five has really bad breaking?? Sometimes they get cut off mid sentence!! I always make sure to catch the 530 show now.
    But back on topic, UKTVG did this a few years ago with Dallas too. They showed up until the end of the season where Swellin\’ gets together with John Ross\’s swimming teacher boy then nothing. When it restarted it was right back to the beginning! Thankfully, the serieses you are waiting for are all available on DVD – and on sale at the minute! I just picked up seasons 5, 6 and 7 for £10 each! Bargain! I\’m too young to remember the first seasons of Dallas on TV so this has been great, I\’m totally hooked! I even eagerly await the dream season!
    Sunset Beach was a great Dallas parody. The comparisons were endless from rich, drunken housewives with sexy accents to baby stealing, murders, shaky sets, Who shot Del Douglas, flashbacks and even in the last episode they had you thinknig it was all a dream! Classic! I wish some one of the channels would show it again since Five obviously has no plans to do it again.

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